2 jokes

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2 jokes

Postby Ziprock » 04-26-2007 06:07 PM

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.



Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00

When the postal authorities received the letter to God , USA , they decided to send it to the President.

The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.

The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:



Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, DC., and those assholes deducted $95.00 in taxes.







For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a
10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give
you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 &
your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."

The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with
a suitcase.

So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"


Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard
you telling Mom you were pulling out.

Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be
damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000
mortgage & no bike!"
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Postby =BT=Bloodhawk1 » 04-26-2007 07:45 PM

lol they were both pretty funny
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Postby dzine » 04-26-2007 11:58 PM

Yep! They made me giggle!
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Postby dzine » 04-27-2007 12:53 AM

I have some silly jokes, so silly that they must be from the Beano.

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van
covered with hundreds and thousands.
Police say that he topped himself.

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.
There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.
It's either my Mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin,
or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin.

Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning
when a two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.
Irish search and rescueworkers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to increase as digging continues.

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

I had to go to the doctors today - got a boil on my neck that looks like a strawberry -
doc said "i'll give you some cream for that !"

then I went to the butchers by us...
I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high.

did u read about that guy in the paper.. drowned in a bowl of muesli...
A strong currant pulled him in.

I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.

-------------------------------------

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of OAPs when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks her: "Why don`t you eat the peanuts yourself?"

"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.

"We just love the chocolate around them."
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Postby loa » 04-27-2007 09:13 AM

oh man there all funny thanks fellas
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Postby =BT=Bloodhawk1 » 04-27-2007 02:07 PM

[i]
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of OAPs when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks her: "Why don`t you eat the peanuts yourself?"

"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.

"We just love the chocolate around them."


that is so nasty
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Postby Ziprock » 04-27-2007 06:49 PM

I had to go to the doctors today - got a boil on my neck that looks like a strawberry -
doc said "i'll give you some cream for that !"

don't get?

the Cessna one is hilarious


heard the last one before, about the old ladys
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Postby loa » 04-27-2007 11:01 PM

Two drunks were trying to figure out how to get some alcohol for free. They only had a dollar in change between them. "I've got it, follow me." said the first man.
They went to a hot dog stand and bought a dog and threw away the bun. "We'll go into a bar and order drinks, and when the bartender asks for money, I'll unzip my fly and pull out the hot dog. You drop to your knees and pretend to suck me off."
The second man agrees to this and they start their rounds.
When they get to the bar, they sit down and have a beer. The bartender tells them, "That will be three dollars."
The first man stands up and upzips his fly. The second man drops to his knees and starts sucking on the hot-dog.
"You faggots!" screams the bartender. "Get the hell out of here!"
They run out and go to another bar and order drinks and when the bartender asks for money, the first man unzips his fly, and the second man drops to his knees. The bartender throws them out.
After the sixth bar the second man complains, "Man this isn't working out so well, My knees are killing me!"
"You think you've had it bad," the first man exclaims. "I lost the hotdog four bars ago!"


///////////////////////////////////////////

Two deaf people got married. During the first week of marriage, they found they were unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn the lights off because they can't see each other using sign language.
After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time."
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, now if you want to have sex with me, reach over and pull on penis one time."
"If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis....fifty times."
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Postby =BT=Bloodhawk1 » 04-28-2007 01:18 AM

loa wrote:Two drunks were trying to figure out how to get some alcohol for free. They only had a dollar in change between them. "I've got it, follow me." said the first man.
They went to a hot dog stand and bought a dog and threw away the bun. "We'll go into a bar and order drinks, and when the bartender asks for money, I'll unzip my fly and pull out the hot dog. You drop to your knees and pretend to suck me off."
The second man agrees to this and they start their rounds.
When they get to the bar, they sit down and have a beer. The bartender tells them, "That will be three dollars."
The first man stands up and upzips his fly. The second man drops to his knees and starts sucking on the hot-dog.
"You faggots!" screams the bartender. "Get the hell out of here!"
They run out and go to another bar and order drinks and when the bartender asks for money, the first man unzips his fly, and the second man drops to his knees. The bartender throws them out.
After the sixth bar the second man complains, "Man this isn't working out so well, My knees are killing me!"
"You think you've had it bad," the first man exclaims. "I lost the hotdog four bars ago!"


///////////////////////////////////////////

Two deaf people got married. During the first week of marriage, they found they were unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn the lights off because they can't see each other using sign language.
After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time."
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, now if you want to have sex with me, reach over and pull on penis one time."
"If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis....fifty times."


Ive heard the bar one b4 but that other one was funny
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